Work Anxiety

I have anxiety about work. It just feels like I'm way behind to fend for myself, so I play truant.

It is not healthy but it's a wall I cannot muster. My heart races and my mind blanks out. I feel sleepy. I sleep. Then all of a sudden, it's end of day Friday. I promise all the time of working in the weekend, but all too suddenly too, it's start of Monday.

I wonder how I got this far and I wonder how I never got scolded. I wonder how far more I can go. I wonder how much more I can take.

I wish I had another job, something that you can start from scratch. But this job is comfortable, and I can work-not-work and earn as much as I can. God knows I need the money. 

I wonder why I'm so weak, or why I had let myself go like this because of work from home privileges. I feel very guilty when people say they're knee deep in work. I feel inadequate. A rebellious part of me, feel triumphant--because I get away with it. But it's not healthy.

I feel myself growing a bad habit I cannot shake off until I die. Especially since I feel like I can die any moment now.