Sometimes I think this way
Daddy likes gold better than me. Sometimes I think this way.
Daddy says he will raise up the Philippines from the hidden gold in Cagayan de Oro. Because the Japanese took a big loot of paintings and precious stones, bills, bonds and gold--. That kind of money. Enticing, grand, historically frivolous, and putangina, huwag kayong maniwala, magkalimutan na tayo--hindi niyo na ako pamilya, magpapakamatay na lang ako--kind of money. Or so he says.
It's been more than five years since he succumbed to it. He lost millions he didn't own. He lost his mind, he lost his remaining leg. He lost respect little by little too.
I wonder why he never thinks about the consequence. Like a gambler who does not know how to lose. I wonder if it's exciting. I wonder if it's painful. I wonder if it's more important than keeping the family. I wonder if it's all worth it for money. I wonder if it's all worth it just so he can all prove us wrong. That he was right. After all this time.
Daddy's pride is greater than his love; sometimes, I think this way.
I'll never be like him. Even when I feel like I've inherited every bad cell in his body. I'm already like him. In some ways, I'm worse than him.
어떻게 ?
Daddy says he will raise up the Philippines from the hidden gold in Cagayan de Oro. Because the Japanese took a big loot of paintings and precious stones, bills, bonds and gold--. That kind of money. Enticing, grand, historically frivolous, and putangina, huwag kayong maniwala, magkalimutan na tayo--hindi niyo na ako pamilya, magpapakamatay na lang ako--kind of money. Or so he says.
It's been more than five years since he succumbed to it. He lost millions he didn't own. He lost his mind, he lost his remaining leg. He lost respect little by little too.
I wonder why he never thinks about the consequence. Like a gambler who does not know how to lose. I wonder if it's exciting. I wonder if it's painful. I wonder if it's more important than keeping the family. I wonder if it's all worth it for money. I wonder if it's all worth it just so he can all prove us wrong. That he was right. After all this time.
Daddy's pride is greater than his love; sometimes, I think this way.
I'll never be like him. Even when I feel like I've inherited every bad cell in his body. I'm already like him. In some ways, I'm worse than him.
어떻게 ?
I wonder how I love daddy. Is it greater than my contempt? Is it greater than my disgust? Is it less than my modesty? Less than my tenderness? Would they all turn to love if I don't act on my thoughts? I'm sure it must have.
Do I love him at all? I think I do. Most times, I do not doubt it. But sometimes, I think this way.
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