A Poem and a Prayer: To my First Love

Years have gone by, and still you're a needle in a haystack. This is fine. I am okay with waiting. I am ready if it requires finding. 

You should know that i dont require a lot. Competence is admirable.  A quick reflex is attractive. Loyalty is endearing--especially if it is a little stubborn, and needs some coaxing to come out. 

More importantly, i wish for you to be a man with sincere eyes; ones that convey a sincere heart.

If you have that, then you'd be just as tall as i'd want you to be. Just as funny. Just as handsome, just as sensible as i need you to be. Your mouth would curl to form the best compliments. Your hands will be electric on mine. Hearing your breath would spell relief. And your scent would smell like home.

If i ask with all sincerity, won't you come? 

In the case that you might not come, then God desires for me to find the sincerity i long through other people. And i would be thankful to live a life like that. 

But if you do come, then i would bite my lip with great joy and grab at my heart with deep fear. Because i would give it--the whole of my heart. I will pray that you might want to keep it for as much time as possible. And when you can't anymore, i will keep our memories precious and steadfast. Because at one point you were my needle in a haystack and i found you. 

Sincerely yours. 

PRAYER VERSION: 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Dear Lord,

Thank you for keeping the desire in me to find a suitable partner in life. It tells me that somewhere out there--the fulfillment of that desire exists. This idea alone surprises me with joy and excites me for the future ahead. 

It is not certain at all. But I have full trust in Your stewardship that I choose to not be sad or dejected. Instead I choose to ask for your blessings. 

Please bless my singleness. Help me realize that being single is a gift in itself and was thoughtfully planned. It was not meant to torture  or punish or bring hopelessness. Fill it with teachings, transformation, healing, growth and the people who will bring about and affect those changes in my life. 

Guide me when my thoughts lead me to believe that I'm undestined and unworthy to be loved as I long for. Will me to choose to not be sad And trust again. 

Bless my attitude toward life and love. That I may not block openings You have given with my words. Or close my heart out with my actions. 

Grant me patience to wait. Grant me courage if it requires finding. 

Bless my senses and reflexes, Lord. That when the time of grace comes, I will easily recognize it. That my intentions won't be hidden or misunderstood. And that I won't shy away. 

I have long given up detailed lists of criteria for a partner. If you bless him and me both individually while we wait, then he'll be just as warm, tall and as good looking as I am comfortable and thankful to be with. And I will be for him too.  

Keep him healthy and strong and continually bettering himself. Let him learn to convey his sincere heart as I am learning now. 

And when we meet, just as you bless us alone--bless us together too; handsomely, perfectly and with a passion.